he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
