Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
P.S. I can't hear my feet
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize