I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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