I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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