Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
