Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
