Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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