Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
