the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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