Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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