He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
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