I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
