AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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