Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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