i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize