I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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