I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
It's just like the Real World with babies
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
