I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Randomize
