Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
