this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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