I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
