I feel like abortions should bother me more
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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