Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
