how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
