I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
