he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
