maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
