in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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