oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
