I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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