The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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