as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
