i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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