so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
