Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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