mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
