he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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