i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
