does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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