The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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