if you like me you must not know who I am
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize