need another drink. this is the easiest way
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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