Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
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