remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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