The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
