well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
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