I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
