you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
