yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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