Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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