Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
