you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
