Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I just found puke in my bra..
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
