Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
