My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
