Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
