Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
