and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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