Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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