I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
