make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
